A Christmas Penguin
by Analorien
Summary: Was it a dream? Did Nick really have a visitor on Christmas eve? No one should be alone for Christmas!


Nick sat sprawled in the chair staring into the fire. A half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels was in his lap, and a box of Twinkies lay scattered on the table at his side. He looked into the fire absently, every now and then taking a swig from the bottle. Yeah, right, he muttered to himself. Merry Christmas. Some Christmas. Alex had gone to Louisiana to see her sister and grandmother, Rachel and Kat had gone to visit Kat's paternal grandparents, Derek had gone with Ingrid to see his mother, and Philip - well, all Nick knew was that Philip wasn't here. Merry Christmas, he repeated, lost in thought. It's your own fault, a little voice from deep inside him said, you could have gone with any of them - you were invited. Yeah, I know, he grumbled, a regular fifth wheel. No way! He took another swig from the bottle and stared at the fire until his eyes closed.  
  
**********************  
  
  
  
Nick opened his eyes and saw that the fire had died down. Time to go to bed, he thought to himself. "Not so fast, Nicholas!" came a booming voice by his side. He looked to see who had spoken, and came face to face with the biggest penguin he had ever seen! "Hey... You're the stuffed penguin in Kat's room," he told the bigger-than-life-sized animal. "What are you doing down here?" As if an afterthought he added, "And since when do you talk?"  
  
The penguin just laughed and said, "I've always talked, Nicholas. YOU just don't always HEAR!" The penguin thought this was funny, apparently, for he broke into giggles. Nick looked at the laughing penguin and soon he too began to chuckle. If anybody could see me, he thought, laughing with a giant penguin, they'd think I'm crazy! He sobered up, then. Maybe I am crazy, he thought. Penguins aren't this big, and they don't laugh, let alone talk.  
  
"Now, Nicholas, when are you going to start believing what you see? You, of all people, working here of all places..." the penguin shook his head. "I can see this is going to take a little doing," it said.  
  
"What? What do you mean?" asked Nick. He had to agree, the penguin had a point. What was a talking penguin compared to some of the stuff he had seen? At least this one wasn't trying to take his soul or drag him down to hell, he thought.  
  
"Exactly. I'm trying to save you; make you see a little bit of heaven," replied the penguin. "Yes, Nicholas," the penguin raised one fin, "I can read your mind. So be nice!" The penguin frowned at the expletive which had formed in Nick's thoughts.  
  
"So, penguin, what do you want with me?" asked Nick, trying to comprehend the penguin's statement. "What do you mean, save me?"  
  
The penguin looked sad. "Nicholas, you have lost the Christmas spirit. You don't realize how much love you receive from your friends every day. You're feeling sorry for yourself, and you're letting the past color everything that happens. I was sent to help you break this cycle. You won't keep getting second chances, you know!" The penguin raised a flipper to its mouth. "Oops.. You didn't hear that!"  
  
Nick looked at the penguin. "I should have known. A talking penguin and it wants to make me a better person." He began to get angry. "You don't know the first thing about me-" he began.  
  
"Oh, Nicholas...I know you better than you know yourself," the penguin replied quietly. "Come with me, Nicholas. We have far to go, and time is short." The penguin reached out and touched Nick's shoulder. The fireplace faded and soon Nick was looking at a family gathered around a fireplace hung with stockings. The sounds of Christmas songs, a little off key but happy, filled the air.  
  
"Hey, that's Rachel!" Nick looked more closely at the family. "Boy, Kat was little!" he said in amazement. "Is that Connor?" he asked the penguin.  
  
"Yes," the penguin nodded. "They were happy, weren't they?" The penguin sighed. "It was very hard for them, to lose their loved ones like that." The penguin looked at Nick searchingly. "You know what that's like, don't you Nicholas? To feel that loss, that pain?" Nick nodded slowly, thinking of the people he had lost - his brother, and more recently, Julia. "But they went on living, Nicholas. That's the best way to honor their memory - live your life the best you can, keeping them alive in your heart." The penguin reached out and touched Nick's chest, and the scene changed again. Nick saw his mother and father, his sisters and brother, all in a happier time. "I was just about Kat's age then," he said quietly. "Yes, and just as full of life. You were quite a handful." They watched the scene before them unfold, as the children squealed in delight as they opened their presents. . The parents smiled at the children's antics. "Remember this Christmas, Nick? This was when your father gave you the ship in a bottle that started your collection," the penguin said with a small grin. "You didn't know what a crow's nest was!" The penguin chuckled then turned to Nick. "Come, Nicholas. We have other places to go." The penguin reached for Nick's hand, seemingly oblivious to the longing on Nick's face.  
  
The scene before Nick changed again. This time, the pair watched as a proud older lady laughed gently. "Ah, my little ones...it is so goot to see you again!" Nick glanced around the room. "I recognize this place...we were here last year, with Derek." He looked at the portraits over the hearth. "This is Derek's mother's house."  
  
"Yes, Nicholas," the penguin nodded. "Derek's mother rarely sees him anymore. The duties of a precept often take him farther from her than she would like, but she loves her son, and she knows that he wouldn't be happy doing anything else. So," the penguin continued, "she gets the most out of the visits they do have." The unusual pair watched as Derek and Ingrid gave their mother her presents, and Nick felt the love that surrounded them.  
  
"You know," Derek's mother said, "I already have my best present - both of you, here with me now." They smiled at one another, and Nick couldn't help the smile that came to his face. He looked at the penguin, who had a small smile on his face too.  
  
"Derek hides his feelings well, doesn't he?" asked the penguin. "Have you ever seen him this relaxed?"  
  
Nick considered the question, and then shook his head. "Well, no, not really. At least not for a long time," he said. "I guess he really needed this vacation, right?"  
  
The penguin nodded. "Yes. Sometimes in order to be of any good to anyone else, we have to be good to ourselves." They turned their eyes to the scene in front of them for a few more seconds, and then the penguin turned to Nick and reached for his arm. "Let's move on, Nicholas. We're almost done."  
  
The scene changed again, and this time Nick found himself standing in front of a small cottage in the Louisiana bayou. He instantly recognized the home of Alex's Grandma Rose, and as they approached the house, the sound of laughter and music floated out the windows. Nick and the penguin went up the stairs to the porch and looked in the window. A small radio played christmas carols softly in the background. Alex, her sister and her grandmother were sitting around the table drinking spice tea, regaling each other with stories of Christmas memories. They laughed so much that Alex had tears running down her cheeks.  
  
"Oh, my," Alex said, "I had forgotten about that time." She burst into another paroxysm of giggles that left her helpless. Her sister and grandmother were in a similar state. Little by little their giggles subsided, and Alex's grandmother reached out to cover Alex's and Tonya's hands.  
  
"The memories will always be alive, as long as each of you remembers," she said. "Remember that nothing ever dies, as long as there is someone alive to speak its name."  
  
She looked at her granddaughters with love. "What a gift we have tonight, here in this room," she said. Alex and Tonya stood up to give her a hug.  
  
Nick watched Alex and her family and felt an unfamiliar pang of longing. "What are you feeling, Nicholas?" asked the penguin. "You have received this gift, many times." The penguin turned to look full in his face. "But you have to keep giving it, to keep it yourself." The penguin turned to watch the scene in front of them. "Time to go, Nicholas," the penguin said softly. He let Nick look at Alex and her family, and then finally pulled him away. "We have one more stop, Nicholas, and then you can rest."  
  
Nick looked at the penguin. "What are you trying to do, penguin? Just tell me and have done with it!" he said in frustration. His mind and his heart were warring with everything he had just seen. Why was this - this- this penguin! trying to make him feel worse than he already did, reminding him of the things that he didn't have?  
  
The penguin looked at Nick and smiled. "Nicholas, Nicholas. You know what's happening here, don't you? That's why you're becoming angry, isn't it? Soon, though, you will learn that anger, although easy to use as a coverup, is not as fulfilling as the other feelings you don't allow yourself." The penguin sighed. "If it helps any, you're not the only bullheaded young man I've had to deal with. You, however, have the most promise, and the best chance of recovery." He reached out a fin to touch Nick's shoulder; Nick could have sworn that the penguin squeezed his shoulder before the scene changed one more time.  
  
This time Nick and the penguin found themselves in a small chapel. A small band of boys was sitting in the first row of pews, paying rapt attention to the handsome young priest in front of them.  
  
"Your turn now, Father P.!" said the young man next to Nick. "We've all said, now it's your turn!" The other boys joined in with friendly persuasion, and finally the priest gave in.  
  
"Well," came a familiar voice, "I canna say that I really need anythin'. God has given me all that I need." Philip looked up to where Nick was standing, causing a shiver to go down Nick's spine.  
  
"Don't worry," said the penguin, "he can't see us."  
  
"Are you sure?" whispered Nick. "He's looking straight at me."  
  
"I'm sure," said the penguin. "Shhh... Listen."  
  
"Father P.," said another little boy, "then what do you want?"  
  
Philip considered this question carefully. "I do have one thing I want," he said slowly, "but it's not for me. Does that count?" He looked at the boys seriously.  
  
"Sure, Father P. Right lads?" The youngster looked at the rest of the boys, who nodded their heads vigorously. "Have on, Father P.," he said.  
  
Philip was silent for a moment, then began. "I have something that I want. It's for my best friend."  
  
"Father P. Who's your best friend?" came the question from several boys at once.  
  
"I know!" One boy blurted out. "You've got a picture of the two of you on your desk, don't you? You're playing football and he's cheering you on. That's your best friend, isn't it Father?" he said excitedly.  
  
Philip smiled and ruffled the boy's hair. "Aye, lad, he's me best friend. I was playing football and he was watching the game. One of our friends was there with her camera, and caught us both in the same frame." Philip fell silent, remembering that time when he really had felt like Nick was his best friend.  
  
"So what's your wish for him, Father P.?" came the question from his eager audience.  
  
"I was supposed to be there with him now, in California," began Philip, to his listeners.  
  
"Yeah, and look where he is," finished Nick bitterly. "So much for 'best friend.'"  
  
The penguin looked at Nick. "You love him a lot, don't you?"  
  
Nick opened his mouth to reply, then shut it again. When he answered the penguin, this time it was in a barely audible voice. "Yes, dammit! I do! I wanted to spend Christmas with him, and he -" Nick's voice dropped. "And he didn't come. Just like I knew would happen," he finished in a choked voice.  
  
"and so," Philip finished telling the boys listening raptly to him, "I want him to know that even though I can't be there today, I'm still thinking of him, and that his friendship is the best present that I'll ever get. And that if it were possible, I would get on a plane right now and go to California to spend Christmas with him."  
  
The chapel doors opened and an old priest came in. "Father Philip? Are you here?" He made his way slowly up the aisle.  
  
Philip walked forward to meet the old priest, pairs of young eyes following him. "Aye, Father, I'm here. What can I do for you?"  
  
The older priest smiled. "Merry Christmas, Father Philip." He handed Philip an envelope. "I'm afraid I have another job for ye to do," he began. Philip opened the envelope to see a round trip ticket to San Francisco.  
  
"What is this, Father?" he asked in amazement. Behind him he could hear the boys collective gasp.  
  
"Another one of those never-ending conferences, I'm afraid, Philip. But I am too old to stay away for so long. And I confess, flying is not my favorite activity. I'm sorry to impose on ye, I know it's short notice - ye'll have to leave right away. The car will be here to take ye to the airport in forty minutes. I'm sorry, Philip," said the priest.  
  
The boys looked at each other with wide eyes and then turned to watch Philip as he spoke. "Father," he began, "I don't know what to say," he stammered.  
  
"Then say 'Merry Christmas, Father', and be after packing," the old priest said with a smile.  
  
Philip broke into a smile. "Merry Christmas, Father! Merry Christmas lads!" and he ran off to pack and make his flight.  
  
************************  
  
Philip was the first to tiptoe into the parlour and see Nick sprawled out in the chair. He saw the empty bottle of Jack Daniels and the box of Twinkies scattered about on the floor. Quietly he put his bag down and walked over to Nick, taking the bottle out of his grasp and gathered the Twinkies from the floor. Walking to the kitchen, he threw the bottle away and put the Twinkies in the refrigerator. Returning to the parlour, he found a blanket that Nick had thrown over the couch, and gently laid it over his sleeping friend. Then he returned to the kitchen to put on the pot of coffee he knew Nick would need when he woke up. He turned at a sound at the door, and saw Alex standing there.  
  
"Shhh," he greeted her, "Nick's asleep in the parlour." He hugged her close. "I thought you were spending the holidays in New Orleans," he told her.  
  
"I was, " she said sheepishly, "but I had to come home. It just didn't feel right, leaving Nick alone like that." She looked at Philip questioningly. "What abut you?"  
  
"I got sent to a conference that just happened to be here. At least, that's what me pastor told me," he said with a grin. "I think that me Christmas wish got granted, in me own opinion. Anyway, I'm here!"  
  
"Yay! Look Mom! It's Philip!" Kat ran to him and hugged h im. Rachel followed her daughter and gave Philip a hug.  
  
"What are you doing here? I thought you were going to be in Ireland," said Rachel with a smile. "No matter, we're glad you're here!"  
  
"Yeah, Philip. We had to come home because Nick was here. We didn't want Nick to be alone," confided Kat to her friend.  
  
"Well...I see that my idea was not just my idea," came a voice from the doorway.  
  
"Derek!" cried Kat. "Look, Philip's come too!"  
  
"I see that," said Derek amid hugs. "But where is Nick?"  
  
"Oh," began Philip, turning slightly red. "He's asleep in the parlour. He, umm, he took something to help him sleep," he finished.  
  
Derek sniffed. "I see. Is that what I smell?" He shook his head. "I'm glad I came back." He turned to go into the parlour. "Well, let's go wake up our Sleeping Beauty."  
  
The group trouped into the parlour. Nick was still asleep, sprawled in the chair. Philip said, "Well, here goes." He approached Nick gingerly, remembering other times he had tried to awaken Nick after he'd been drinking. "Nick...Nick, wake up," he said quietly. "Nick?" Philip shook Nick's shoulder. "Nick, wake up."  
  
Nick jumped up and grabbed the stuffed penguin he was holding. "Jeez! Why did you sneak up on me like that?" He looked up at Philip in amazement, then to the rest of the group. "Hey... No," he said, "don't tell me I slept through Christmas!"  
  
His friends smiled and laughed. "No," said Derek. "We all came home to celebrate Christmas with the family..." he glanced around, "the whole family."  
  
Smiling and amidst hugs, they moved into the kitchen for coffee and Christmas stollen that Derek's mother sent home with him. Taking a cup of coffee and a piece of stollen, Philip sat down beside Nick. "Nick...is that my replacement?" he nodded to the stuffed penguin sitting on the table by Nick.  
  
Nick blushed - a rare treat in itself. "No. Not yet, anyway," he grinned. He said seriously, "I don't know how it got here. I didn't have it when I went to sleep, but when I woke up," he shrugged, "there it was." He took a sip of the coffee and picked up the penguin, looking at it. To his surprise, it winked at him. No way, he thought. No more twinkies and Jack Daniels for me.  
  
"Nick -" Philip looked at him in concern. "Are you ok?"  
  
"Uh, yeah," replied Nick. He blinked. "Philip - can I have a copy of the picture of us on your desk? The one where you're playing soccer and I came to watch you play?"  
  
"Aye, Nick, surely -" Philip stopped in consternation. "And how do ye know I have that picture there? I just put it there a couple of days ago!"  
  
Nick just smiled mysteriously. "Oh...let's just say a little bird told me." He put his hand on Philip's shoulder. "Merry Christmas, Philip." Nick stood and looked at his friends who were his family. "Merry Christmas, everyone!" 


End file.
